Today a season came to an end. A beautiful season in my life that allowed me to grow, develop and become a more confident woman. I cried when I drove away as three remarkable women from a team I was proud to be part of, waved me goodbye.
I cried because I was overwhelmed by their love and sincerity, their authentic care, friendship and grace and I cried because despite loving this team and the company I have worked with for 8 years, I felt released. I cried because I was amazed at how Father God had actually heard me and had answered my prayers after 16 years of praying…and I cried because He, as usual understands what is best for me better than I ever could.
When my son was born I had the idealistic outlook most young mothers have – to stay at home and love my baby. The reality was that it was just not an option for us. At times I was heartbroken about it and work, as much as I loved it, frustrated me. I wanted to be at home. And so year after year I hoped for release and prayed for it, earnestly. It eluded me – not only did I continue to work but I was offered a new position in Cape Town for more money and many new experiences – so great when building a CV but it was never what I wanted despite being reasonably adept at it.
I clearly remember sitting in my sister in-laws lounge chatting to her about work and my original dream when I had an epiphany. If I had been given the opportunity to stay at home with my children and if I had not taught and then moved on to work in the corporate arena…I would never have become who I am today.
I know I would not have been exposed to the challenges that have pushed me into expanding my thinking and reframing my outlook on life. I would never have explored my unearthed talents that surprised even me at times and I certainly believe I would have remained very sheltered, boxed in and limited by what I thought would be the best for me…my picket fence life.
So here I sit today, on a Boeing 737, on my way home to Cape Town. I have completed my handover and deleted my files. I have said my goodbyes and handed in my access card. I am officially unemployed and ready to start the next season. I do believe it is my spring after a very long winter.
When I checked in my luggage at the airport I was soaring. In my mind I saw an eagle being carried by the wind, wings outstretched and eyes fixed ahead. Just soaring – completely supported by the wind beneath its wings.
I know you can’t stay up there for ever but for this time, this moment, this is where I am. And literally a couple of thousand feet above the ground as I write this I am enjoying every moment – this is what makes life worth living – as clichéd as that may sound. But we need these moments – we need to soar from time to time – we need to have these incredible highs, because when we do land back on earth, it is these very moments that keep us going and inspire us to soar again.
When I do land – literally and figuratively – I will be moving into a new space, a new time and most definitely have a new set of challenges facing me. One of them being, home schooling my 16-year-old son. And for most people when I tell them that – their expressions are priceless and this is the beauty of life…
My vision for my life had been to stay at home with my children when they were young.
God clearly had other plans.
Here I am with two teenage kids and after all these years of toiling the ground, Father God is now giving me this time.
In the years when you think your children will separate themselves from you and move into their own spaces, now is the time He is giving me to build into their lives. Being part of Joshua’s everyday life like this for the next 3 years is a gift I had never expected. Being able to sit with Paityn when she gets back from school without being distracted by my deadlines and emails is going to be the most priceless treasure I could ever have hoped for.
How clever is our God!
He knew – He knew this way would be better. He knew I needed to grow, that I was not where He wanted me to be at the time, in order to do that which He needed me to do.
He needed me to think differently and grow as a person – enlarge those borders of my limited, institutionalised mind and make some discoveries that would change my course for the better – and hopefully that of my children’s.
What a day – what an end to a great season.
There is not one moment I regret – because every moment formed part of me becoming a better human being and every moment that lies ahead of me will continue to grow me in different ways. After all you can’t grow the same crop every season. Maybe this is the season for wheat – or better yet sunflowers – whatever the crop I am only seeing possibility.
Coming through this last season has shown me to face the fears and the rigidity of my own assumptions and to push against the imagined fences in my life and to try new things – not to be afraid of the unknown and then…that if you wait, if you are patient, it comes…the harvest comes. The seeds grow, the harvest shines and the new season beckons.
This is where I sign off today – a happy soul with a new adventure and a horizon of possibility.Soaring out,
Yours in French and the lessons that it brings….
PS: And the other added benefit will be more time to write and read those brilliant blogs I too follow…