Right now as I write this I feel like everything in my life is pending. Every week I feel the passion and the drive to push on and believe and my faith feels good and strong. I push forward, ever the optimist, hoping for the momentum we need to get us over to the other side…and then guess what? We wait some more…I could scream with frustration and despair in these moments.
Everything hangs on waiting, waiting has become my teacher and my tormentor – it brings both growth and decline as we sit on a see-saw, longing for a moment of lucid break through. Will it ever come asks my head…my spirit says yes… and I stick with that. I have to – I am too far in it now to turn back and could I? Could I give up? Not me…I was born with an optimistic outlook on life but I have to tell you – today it’s not working too well for me.
- So how do you stay sane when life is pending?
- How do you keep your words light, focused and positive?
- How do you not lose your joy?
I was asking this of God a little while ago – feeling this same feeling creeping into my head and threatening to take residence in my shaky mind.
This is where I draw my strength from today
Psalm 102 verse 13 – “But you, o Lord, sit enthroned forever; Your renown endures through all generations. You will arise and have compassion on Zion, for it is time to show her favour. Her appointed time has come.”
For me it says this – He knows exactly when the right time is to bring favour and breakthrough in each of our lives. In verse 17 He says, “He will respond to the destitute; He will not despise their plea.”
Now please I am no scholar of the Torah (or the bible as most call it) – I am trying to understand and get my head around the mystery of God’s word but sometimes it is as plain as just that – He hears us – He will respond and He knows exactly when. The waiting and trusting (staying sane) is up to us.
So here is the lesson download He gave me a few moons ago…don’t laugh I am a little nuts at times.
When you start exercising faith, you run on different levels – level 1 is the ‘I can do anything level’ – when faith and the vision first takes hold, there is vigourous momentum as you prepare to take the first joyous leap into the unknown. You feel strong and invincible, you visualise the end and you are undeniably convinced of the favourable culmination of victory and success.
Level 2 is the ‘I’m in pain but still doing it level’ – this is where those faith muscles start to hurt and you start to push them further than they have ever been pushed before. They start to ache and it starts to feel horribly uncomfortable. You know it’s like being at the gym (seems like a distant memory right now) running on the treadmill or doing a manic Zumba class in the hope of a more toned and tweaked physique, when you find myself at the place where my muscles start voting against you. You’re hot and dripping with sweat and you look more like an overheated hamster than the glistening model image you were aiming for. This is when your mind starts to tell you that you can’t run another mile, you can’t zumba another wiggle, just give up and go eat that fudge and chocolate cupcake you were dreaming of last night. The other part of the mind (the health nut who hopes for less fluff around the middle and other unmentionable areas) is saying – you can do this – don’t you dare stop, if you stop now you are a fool, you’re so close.
The trick is, when you get to level 2 – to stay at level 2 and not to crash all the way down to level 0, the ‘There is no light for me level’. As you know when you haven’t exercised for some time it is so much harder to get started again, so you want to try not to lose momentum.
I find myself swinging between level 1 and 2 a lot and then from time to time down to level 0. At some stages I start to feel like a yo-yo in the hands of a swinging monkey:
up – down ………….
up – down…………….
round and ………………………
up the tree …………….
down the tree ………………..
add some nuts ……………
for you….for me
Yes….I think I am desperate need of some rescuing God – hellooo up there….
And as I write all this I know – I know what you may be thinking. I am going through this to grow and to learn yet more lessons in the most valuable skill I will ever have ownership of – FAITH.
It is no easy road and there is no set formula to believing and staying sane. It’s like having your nose hairs plucked – its painful and it makes you cry! The result is worth it though…
We are ‘people pending’ and sometimes that is just how it is – we cannot push a button or wave a wand, as much as we would like to, and make it happen.
We have to wait – we have to keep the attitude of victory and we must stay rooted in God’s word.
Giving up is just not an option…Robin once said to me in one of my monkey swinging moments, “No matter what happens and what people say at least we can say that we took the step, that we were prepared to take the plunge for God.”
Okay Father – here I am – person learning, person pending – awaiting approval for next step…
“For you oh lord, will bless the righteous. You will surround him as with a shield.” Psalm 5 verse 12