Lesson 37: How to stay sane when life is pending

pending stampRight now as I write this I feel like everything in my life is pending. Every week I feel the passion and the drive to push on and believe and my faith feels good and strong. I push forward, ever the optimist, hoping for the momentum we need to get us over to the other side…and then guess what? We wait some more…I could scream with frustration and despair in these moments.

Everything hangs on waiting, waiting has become my teacher and my tormentor – it brings both growth and decline as we sit on a see-saw, longing for a moment of lucid break through. Will it ever come asks my head…my spirit says yes… and I stick with that. I have to – I am too far in it now to turn back and could I? Could I give up? Not me…I was born with an optimistic outlook on life but I have to tell you – today it’s not working too well for me.

  • So how do you stay sane when life is pending?
  • How do you keep your words light, focused and positive?
  • How do you not lose your joy?

I was asking this of God a little while ago – feeling this same feeling creeping into my head and threatening to take residence in my shaky mind.

This is where I draw my strength from today

Psalm 102 verse 13 – “But you,  o Lord,  sit enthroned forever; Your renown endures through all generations. You will arise and have compassion on Zion, for it is time to show her favour. Her appointed time has come.”

For me it says this – He knows exactly when the right time is to bring favour and breakthrough in each of our lives. In verse 17 He says, “He will respond to the destitute; He will not despise their plea.”

Now please I am no scholar of the Torah (or the bible as most call it) – I am trying to understand and get my head around the mystery of God’s word but sometimes it is as plain as just that – He hears us – He will respond and He knows exactly when. The waiting and trusting (staying sane) is up to us.

So here is the lesson download He gave me a few moons ago…don’t laugh I am a little nuts at times.

When you start exercising faith, you run on different levels – level 1 is the ‘I can do anything level’ – when faith and the vision first takes hold, there is vigourous momentum as you prepare to take the first joyous leap into the unknown. You feel strong and invincible, you visualise the end and you are undeniably convinced of the favourable culmination of victory and success.

Level 2 is the ‘I’m in pain but still doing it level’ – this is where those faith muscles start to hurt and you start to push them further than they have ever been pushed before. They start to ache and it starts to feel horribly uncomfortable. You know it’s like being at the gym (seems like a distant memory right now) running on the treadmill or doing a manic Zumba class in the hope of a more toned and tweaked physique, when you find myself at the place where my muscles start voting against you. You’re hot and dripping with sweat and you look more like an overheated hamster than the glistening model image you were aiming for. This is when your mind starts to tell you that you can’t run another mile, you can’t zumba another wiggle, just give up and go eat that fudge and chocolate cupcake you were dreaming of last night. The other part of the mind (the health nut who hopes for less fluff around the middle and other unmentionable areas) is saying – you can do this – don’t you dare stop, if you stop now you are a fool, you’re so close.

The trick is, when you get to level 2 – to stay at level 2 and not to crash all the way down to level 0, the There is no light for me level’.  As you know when you haven’t exercised for some time it is so much harder to get started again, so you want to try not to lose momentum.

I find myself swinging between level 1 and 2 a lot and then from time to time down to level 0. At some stages I start to feel like a  yo-yo in the hands of a swinging monkey:

up  – down ………….

                                           up  – down…………….

                                                                                                round and ………………………

round ……………………..

      up the tree …………….

                                          down the tree ………………..

add some nuts ……………

for you….for me

Yes….I think I am desperate need of some rescuing God – hellooo up there….

And as I write all this I know – I know what you may be thinking. I am going through this to grow and to learn  yet more lessons in the most valuable skill I will ever have ownership of – FAITH.

It is no easy road and there is no set formula to believing and staying sane. It’s like having your nose hairs plucked – its painful and it makes you cry! The result is worth it though…

We are ‘people pending’ and sometimes that is just how it is – we cannot push a button or wave a wand, as much as we would like to, and make it happen.

We have to wait – we have to keep the attitude of victory and we must stay rooted in God’s word.

Giving up is just not an option…Robin once said to me in one of my monkey swinging moments, “No matter what happens and what people say at least we can say that we took the step, that we were prepared to take the plunge for God.”

Okay Father – here I am – person learning, person pending – awaiting approval for next step…

 “For you oh lord, will bless the righteous. You will surround him as with a shield.”  Psalm 5 verse 12

 God is faithful, we are pending but not purposeless.

Keep the faith,

Love Michelle

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7 comments

  1. Michelle, this reminds me of Isaiah 40:31 – “but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles;they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” Sometimes, I can fly like an eagle. Sometimes, I can run without being tired. Other times, I can only walk. And when I can’t walk, He carries me. The important thing is, at either level, I still move forward with Him.

    1. So true Sue – I keep reminding myself that the days I feel most wearied by this walk – that He lifts me up – any level – just my crazy sense of humour and my Father meeting me where I am at.
      Thank you for your encouragement xx

      Be blessed indeed!

  2. Hi Mich! I’m new to your blog (found you through The Hook) and I enjoy your writing. Your post gave me pause to think. Discussing the operation of God in our daily lives is a subject that is unendingly fascinating for me. Although I’m Christian by culture, I’m not affiliated with any particular church and find religion in general to be a concept best approached with caution.

    I have to admit that when you say that you are waiting for God to act it makes me a bit uncomfortable. In my experience, it is good to have long-term dreams/goals (i.e. moving to France) but it is tricky to balance daily activities with these goals. I find it too easy to go into a waiting mode because internally you are aware you have a goal – and that is good. One of the concepts that I often find missing in religion is that existence and God are multi-layered. For instance, when questioned in the Bible, God states that the highest level of definition of Him/life is Love. All else rolls out below that. Any lower concept cannot be said to be Godly if it is not done out of Love. Much as the Bible makes it clear that you can do all the right things – obey all the rules – and still not get into heaven. So, you can tick off the “worship” box by attending church and yet still be very ungodly. Or when David was running for his life and he ate the blessed offering bread in a church. When God was questioned why David could do this when it was expressly forbidden, the answer was that David was doing God’s work and he was hungry. So, the higher demand was fulfilled – doing God’s work – thus the lower rules were not applicable. Layering from most important to least important.

    In my estimation God has given us choice so we can create ourselves and find our way back to Him. So, whenever we refuse to exercise choice by simply waiting, it makes me uncomfortable. We are designed in the image of God and hence are completely capable of working on multiple levels at once. We can have an overarching goal (i.e. France) and still, under that, we can seek God on a minute by minute basis. Technically we are “waiting” for France, but it does not change our daily quest. So the move is waiting, not the person.

    Anyway, that’s just my view. I would welcome any comments or corrections or arguments concerning any thing I have said. It is also possible that I have misunderstood what you were saying, in which case don’t hesitate to say so. If I am too verbose, let me know and I’ll tone it down. I enjoyed your post and look forward to future posts. Thank you Mich!

    1. Hi Paul – first and foremost – thank you for your thoughtful response to my post and for your support on my blog.

      You did give me pause myself to think a bit – and perhaps to think some more before I post – but I do think if you wander back a bit on some of my posts my story may weave a better picture.As you, I am a believer – a disciple of Christ – I have dropped said “Christian” title – long story but I love my God – and I too don’t belong to a denomination etc, long story to that one as well.

      I also confess I leave a lot of my story out – I am not sure it is ready to be shared with the masses just yet – blogging like this feels vulnerable enough for me at times, so I don’t tell all. But in terms of the waiting – I am in no means not making choices – the choice in itself to wait was a big step of faith in some respects – we do have vision – my husband and I – and it has been over 4 years in the making – but there are certain aspects of the vision and the plan that have not fallen into place to make it happen. So the choice for us has been(and we have had to make many of these) do we wait for the right timing or do we give up on it all together.
      It’s like Joseph, he had a dream, shared it with his brothers and found himself sold into slavery, then chucked into prison seemingly forgotten for 11 years before he actually walked into his purpose. He had to wait for God’s timing – there was literally nothing he could do about being in prison. He could still pray, talk to God, do situps, sweep the prison floor etc but essentially he was waiting for release. And so that is where we are at – waiting for release. But in the waiting we are living, growing and finding our way in this space. God has given us this space for a season – this space of waiting for Him to release us and that is sometimes where my frustration lies.

      In this waiting time – God has the amazing love and compassion to build character in us – to ensure that when and if he releases us for this that we have what it takes to see the vision through and not to make a right mess of it. We also have to be willing to lay it all down if that is what He wants us to do. My waiting room is a busy place where I am constantly exercising patience with God’s timing and my slow pace of learning at times. This as well as finding out what He wants me to do in this time – using my gifts and spare time to begin His work now and not only when we move on from here.

      He is the most awesome God – multi-layered – multidimensional and always showing us grace and mercy. He knows I need it. 😉
      Thank you for your thoughts – I hope I see you around here often and that we can continue our discussions – I am never closed to a new perspective.
      Be blessed,
      Mich

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