With me it has been waiting – no surprise there hey! I never wanted to wait for anything. If I wanted it, I wanted it straight away (me and every other person that lives on this green earth hey!?) When taking matters in to my own hands and not waiting – especially when it came to retail wants – I generally ended up regretting impulsive decisions, especially when the bills arrived a few months down the line.
Despite the regrets I would get over them eventually and find myself veering towards that direction later on down the line again – impatience, my champagne taste and my general need to make things happen sooner rather than later, meant the lesson wasn’t learned and the waiting would just stretch on until I got it…God’s timing trumps it all ladies and gents, getting ourselves stretched beyond our financial limits for wants is not a great plan and neither is trying to force God’s timing for things we want to happen, when we want it to happen and not trusting His plan.
I can only smile now as I take stock of my life now – understanding now that my greatest, steepest learning curve has been learning to wait – call it my big snag – it is a painful journey – I have to be honest, learning to let go of me and to trust my heavenly Father’s timing has been anything but a holiday on the French Riviera. All of this meant I had to consciously let go of my preconceived ideas and organised routes in my mind.
I had to let go of how I think it should work and completely surrender to the possibility that it will happen in every way except according to my expectations for the most part anyway. I really have had no choice – it was surrender or live a life of complete anxiety and regular failure. When life doesn’t go according to the plans in our head, it can feel like we have somehow failed. That is not the truth of it though. I had to surrender – not give up – but let go of the ‘how’ of my life story. What do I know anyway? I wanted normal for a long time but even that seems like another unreal fantasy – as Whoopi Goldberg has said, the only normal she has ever seen is the cycle on a washing machine.
We have to understand that the plan for each of us is so unique and custom fit that we can’t live in comparison to others. Most importantly, waiting is part of the process of growth. After planting a seed, the gardener waits for the tiny plant to emerge from the soil – some seeds germinate quickly and others only require a few days to peep out from under the soil but there are those seeds that will need weeks or months to show even a hint of growth, or better yet, the potato who doesn’t even give you the tiniest hint of the wonder that is taking place beneath the ground.
With all the right conditions in place, that seeds growth is imminent. The waiting is non-negotiable – this is the time that you either allow growth or you give in to the doubt and unbelief that easily sniff out a vulnerable, waiting heart. Like leeches, they quietly take hold of it at the prime opportunity, drawing the life blood out of your hopes, faith and dreams.
So what do you do? You have to be on guard at all times, preparing yourself to fight off the doubt leeches and every other parasitic germ of unbelief. Arming yourself for the waiting battle.
Find the encouraging scriptures and inspirational quotes and keep them on hand or memorise them for those times when your heart feels most unlikely to resist. Surround yourself with people who support you and believe in you – who will leave you feeling stronger and inspired. Understand your triggers, know what makes you feel negative. Pin-point the moments when you start losing hope and get into the habit of super-fast identification of the downward spiral so you can deal with it swiftly.
Waiting takes balls of steel (my humble apologies if that offends you but there is just no better way to explain myself right now). Waiting is not for the faint of heart. It takes an incredibly determined, courageous person to wait, especially when it takes much longer than anticipated.
It takes faith and yes, even some humiliation as people begin to question your journey and your decisions. No matter what your snag is, whether it’s impatience, anger, unforgiveness, unbelief, rejection or heartache.
If you are at this place and it’s not the first time, chances are God’s speaking to you. Chances are He is highlighting an area or perhaps two, that require your full attention and some serious alterations. Until you deal it, you are going to land right back here again…waiting for the breakthrough from any of the above or from waiting itself.
So get real with your space. Where are you at now? How did you get here and have you been here before? If the answer is yes to any of these questions, then ask yourself, “What is it I need to learn here? What do I need to change or do differently starting today?
Sometimes the answers don’t come that quickly but I have found that the more questions I have been prepared to ask myself, the more I face my stuff and the deeper I reflect, the greater my understanding of what needs to happen next. The little moments will lead to greater one’s and voila – at last the brain begins to get it. Slowly but surely we will begin to learn when we find the courage to ask the tough questions. When we take responsibility for our choices and the changes we need to make.
God’s promise to us that He will be with us through the dark valleys and the gentle streams but ultimately He leaves the real choices up to us. The choice to find truth and to face it, the choice to grow, to leave the comfort zones and to learn from the lessons of our living.
If we would just open our eyes, and our hearts and get real God can get working. It sounds simple enough but the barriers to surrender are far greater than we realise and the flesh is tougher than we give credit to, so it is going to require strength and a daily re-commitment but it can be done. Philippians 4 verse 23 tells you that you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. Getting real will be the first most courageous step you take and you already have the promise of the strength to do this.
Be Bold, be courageous and be real, the journey will challenge you but you will never regret the growth or the victory that is will bring if you persevere.
Be blessed, Michelle
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