This is been a crazy, wonderful week! In between work and flying back and forth across the country side, we have been trusting for the big things. You know we shouldn’t be amazed when prayers get answered but I do – I don’t think I will ever stop marveling at the greatness of God and the incredible feeling of faith in action.
It is close to two years ago that we got rid of our junk, put the rest of our household in storage and moved into my parents home with the view that in 1 or 2 months and we would be off to France. We have been in limbo and learning for 2 years now (and that’s just in this space!) – and I can only laugh when I think of how we thought we had it all together then! I remember this time last year when we were faced with making decisions of should we move out of my parents home and get our own space or should we just hang in here and wait? I was so confused, Robin was neutral and we didn’t know what to do. We were toying between getting into a rental contract or trusting God to move us when the time is right? We didn’t move, we waited and although it wasn’t easy – not being queen of my own castle it has been interesting. Waiting and waiting, learning to be patient!
Robin and I have always had the propensity for insanity in the eyes the rest of the world or should I say the people we have met along the way. We haven’t chosen the things most ‘normal’ people do and I gather this is why we are where we are right now, waiting for the moment of reckoning and miraculous download. We don’t have a home right now or what a lot of very well organised people would call stability but we do have Father God, Al Shaddai – He says that the steps of a righteous man are ordered by God and that is what we stand on for stability, what greater than The Rock of all ages!?
No, it hasn’t been easy waiting in this space, there have been so many times when I have dreamed of wonderful ‘normality‘. Robin having a regular job like the other husbands out there – being able to buy the house with the little electric fence, 24 hour security and a large dog named Zeus (South Africa’s version of the little house with a white picket fence). It just hasn’t been the plan for now – oh yes, I know there is a house in the plan somewhere but house aside the plan is somehow different for us. It’s about Africa and foreign countries and being part of the great commission. As far-fetched as that might sound – it is what it is.
It really is like being in France and refusing the frogs legs, escargots and croissants and tucking into a dish of sauerkraut, gingerbread and biltong. Our menu is just different – the plan is not the same as the rest of the diners and they are clearly not understanding our selection. They are thinking: “What on earth are they doing? Can’t they see that the combination is just wrong? Don’t they know the dangers of sauerkraut?” (hehe – we do, but we know we have the constitution for it.)
A little while ago Robin was reading about Nehemiah and how when he was rebuilding the wall he was constantly faced with fearful situations. Many people said he was foolish to even attempt it, others said it would never be strong enough and most of all the negative attitudes of those around him. He is faced with the doubt of others and has to resist falling into doubt himself and making decisions based on fear.
This really spoke to Rob and I as so many times on our journey, we have made decisions based purely on fear. We have feared being judged because we were not doing what others saw as normal and safe. We have feared not having enough and running out of money, so essentially trusting in ourselves for provision and we have feared failing and looking foolish to the rest of the world. So without even being consciously aware of all these issues we have followed the same pattern over and over again expecting different results. Sad but true and I believe most of us fall into this cycle, whether you want to admit it or not.
How many times have you made a decision based on what you thought would be the safest option and not necessarily the right option?
So many things made sense to me in that moment. God gave us the dream and we believed for it but when opposition or challenging situations arose, we started to doubt, fear set in and instead of standing up to face it we gave in to it – time after time. The times when we didn’t, we really did have breakthrough.
No more frog’s legs for us. For those of you who think we are crazy – just keep watching this space, trust the plan and maybe come out and dine with us some time. You may just have a taste for this too….
Continuer à rêver.
© Michelle Moller